


I see right through you

by whosophia



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fan!Clarke, POV First Person, Secret Identity, Social Media, Trains, Writer!Lexa, Writers, and some not too subtle the 1oo references, expect fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-05-19 05:37:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5955661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whosophia/pseuds/whosophia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slightly based on a tumblr prompt (yes, again): "author of book gets seated next to someone reading their book and making entertaining faces at each scene" AU</p><p>or<br/>Lexa crushes hard on a stranger on the train; Clarke has been crushing on Lexa Heda for a while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When i first saw you

It’s definitely too early to deal with Indra and her menacing unanswered emails without the right amount of caffeine filling my body till I can properly fuction as a normal human being.  
Yet, here I am, finally on board this goddamn train wandering along the corridor searching for my seat.

Why am I even surprised that once I find it I am welcomed by the bluest eyes, a perfect curved upward mouth and blonde, golden-ish curls tied in a messy bun. _I swear to god,_ nothing I’ve ever seen looked so pure and perfect as this woman does.  
_Of course_ , then, such a beautiful girl was supposed to occupy the seat in front of mine.

I am Lexa Heda, though, I won’t let a stranger fluster me.  
I’m Lexa Fucking Heda. I’ve one point three million followers on twitter and just as much on facebook. My last two books have been translated in twenty-two different languages and my manager is currently bargaining with important companies for film adaptions.  
I mean, my face was on the cover of _Polis_ about two months ago.  
Okay, part of my face.  
Okay, maybe just like my eyes and braids while holding _Jus drein Jus daun_ to hide the rest of my face because Indra thought it would have been a great move keeping the aura of mystery up. It did work, indeed, if the copies of the magazine sold or the amount of fan mails and new followers on socials are anything to go by.  
I daily receive words from boys and girls; messages from women who want to be me and/or with me; I get hourly mentioned in tweets and tumblr posts.

I am badass Lexa Heda but when this gorgeous blonde politely nods and smile to acknowledge my presence I can physically feel the shade of red I'm always so embarrassed of creeping up my neck.  
_Truly great._ Seven hours of _this_ will most definitely kill me.

Once I'm comfortably settled in my spot I pull my laptop out of my shoulder bag and finally email Indra back. I know she will scold me for ignoring the files she had sent me two whole days ago as I am aware she won't accept _Anya and Lincoln basically took my phone as a hostage during the weekend_ even if a true excuse.

When _everything business_ is taken care of I click on the browser icon to open up my socials pages.  
At first I've been quite surprised and kind of frightened by how people can be obsessed over my person, by how intruding and forward some of my fans are but I soon enough realized that being open and active on social platforms is a necessity, nowadays, till I honestly ended up enjoying interacting and sharing with my affectionate followers.  
I mean, my fandom even invented a name to refer to themselves! _#hedakru_ has been trending for months now. How could i not love them?!

As for now I have plenty of time to spend somehow, much more than I'd wish, hence I log into my twitter acount to check messages and stuffs.  
I am, as usual, greeted by an enormous number of notifications and, as always, I cannot wrap my head around how on earth so many people can be that interested in a first class dork which i proudly am.

 **@bethfromtheskai: @hedaleksa when will #theyoungleader come out? we can't wait anymore! #hedakru**  
**@griffoftheskaikru: about to start #chapter16 of #jdjd. Send help #hedakru**  
**@jjordan: @hedaleksa please, post a selfie! @thehotmiller and i have a bet going on**  
**@ontari92: @hedaleksa i am so in love with you**

And this is just a tiny little miniscule bit.

The blonde across from me is currently busy fidgeting with her own phone and I cannot restrain the creepy side of me. _Not_ in a creepy stalking way, just to make it clear. I barely look at her.  
Okay, that's a lie. I am so fucking staring at how the early morning sunlight kisses her cheeks bringing out the small freckles adorning her nose. How bad i wanna kiss each one of them.  
Sure as hell I also am not totally lost in the way her elegant right hand swiftly hurries up to tuck a wild lock behind her ear nor my eyes are fixed on those rose plump lips and my heart is not even close to swell when the unknown companion chews on the lower one while focused.

Fuck.

Luckily I’m abruptly brought back to reality by a crew member pushing the snacks cart.  
“Anything for you, ladies?”  
I quickly glances at the blonde and when I notice she’s about to speak I politely gesture for her to order first.  
I should have expected her voice to be hoarse and low yet totally suited for her appearance.  
This girl orders a simple granola bar, a cup ot tea and I am so going to die. Or fall head first in love with a stranger on a train. Or both.  
I wonder how it would feel to hear this voice moan my name.

As embarassingly dorky as I am I almost forget to ask (okay, whine) for a so so needed coffee and my favourite soy protein bar.  
_Oh god_ , I’ve never loved anything and anyone as I do this steaming paper cup at the moment.

Enjoying our improvised breakfasts the _princess_ and I go back to our own entertainment. Yep, I did chose to name her that in my head. I mean, she is so breathtakingly graceful.

Focusing on my laptop screen again I scroll through more tweets and pms while trying to reply to as many as I can. I even post a picture i previously took at _Ark Station_. Indra will sure be glad about it, as my manager she always pushes Lexa Heda to publish personal shots.

I could say I’m impressed by the 1,3k likes it gets on instagram in the next twelve minutes although that would be another lie. As I am honestly not surprised by the crazy and prompt response from my fandom.

 **@hedalover: EVERYONE! @hedaleksa was as Ark Station! I can't even**  
**@harp_er: i was there an hour ago! I might have bumped into @hedaleksa without knowing! I’m dying**  
**@alyciadc: @hedaleksa please please please we need to see your face!**

 

Okay, it's time to be productive now I finally swallowed my needed dose of caffeine hence I close the browser page to open a saved draft I’ve been working on for a while.

I’m completely focused on my writing that I almost miss a moment that will probably be print in my head till my last breath.  
The princess easily stands up to pull something out from the backpack placed on the luggage rack and in a mere minute is settled back on her seat. With a book firmly hold in hand.

 _My goddamn book! My goddamn Jus drein Jus daun!_  
I’m internally screaming so loud that I’m scared the whole carriage would hear me.

Trying to calm the pounding heart about to explode in my chest I dive back into my words, forcing my mind to forget about the goddess right in front of me who’s currently seated with her legs bent on the armchair and her teeth biting on her lower lip while totally lost into those pages I know by heart.

I'm not ashamed to admit how poorly I succeed.

As I would do with an art masterpiece, I admire this girl’s features change as she goes on with the reading. 

I managed to steal a glance therefore I now know she’s currently reading the sixteenth chapter. Which is definitely the turning point in the story, the one including Alycia and Eliza most disturbing scene. That particular moment I myself, the author, had huge difficulties in creating. It’s an heart breaking goodbye on top of a mountain between two young leaders secretly way too fond of each other.

My manager, my friends, my whole fandom and myself are yet to get over such a shattering betrayal.

 

I brace myself then, ready for the break down I know will come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whosophia.tumblr.com


	2. When you finally saw me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for such an awesome response to the first part. You guys know how to melt my heart.  
> Here's chapter two, then. Enjoy

I try to remain as calm and quiet as possible, ignoring the inner turmoil my body is currently experiencing.

Well, I _try_ , at least.

Which would probably be so much easier if the precious human being in front of me wouldn't be so expressive and into the reading to actually notice how her free hand is now nervously twisting a golden curl around the index finger or the way her eyes slightly widen when something particularly harsh catches her attention.

I mean, for someone else, _whoever else_ all of this would not even be noticeable details although I know how shattered and desperate and heart broken Eliza is going to be around page 273 as I perfectly comprehend Alycia's quick and barely whispered goodbye. I can relate to every gesture and involuntary twitch.

I do know those lines better than my my mother full name, probably. Is it Adina Marie Taylor Monroe, right? See?

I try very hard to busy myself with whatever I am absent mindedly typing yet, apparently once again, I suck at this. The blonde's iris are slowly scanning the pages, re-reading them a couple of times each.

I have always prided myself of being quite good in reading people but this woman is such an open book ( _lol_ ) that I can even more clearly understand what's rushing in her head.

 _I can see right through her_ and being the reason for all those emotions and feelings has never felt so satisfying.

 

She is such a beauty and I most definitely wouldn't mind being stuck on this carriage with her for, let's say, forever?

 

Just because I am clearly not getting any shit done I open the web browser on my screen, logging once again onto twitter.

Apparently the picture I posted earlier has become a bigger deal than I expected. _#wheresheda,_ as I cannot not notice, is already trending and an unbelievable amount of accounts swear they have seen me somewhere around the country in the past few hours.

**@jroth82: @hedaleksa were u wearing a blue flannel ealier?**

**@hedalover: @andrewreed I told u it wasnt her! @hedaleksa has green eyes**

**@griffoftheskaikru: @bestblake i'll forever hate u if I missed @hedaleksa at ark bcos of ur goddamn soy latte**

**@ryanbryant: #hedakru let's make #wheresheda and #whosourheda trending today!**

 

A sudden gasp drags my mind back in the present and I cannot avoid looking up from the screen and staring at my gaping companion. Her blue _damn blue_ eyes are wide open, the fidgeting hand has now stopped playing and has been brought up to cover the open mouth.

Is she about to cry herself to death or burst into laughter? I can't even tell. This pause is driving me crazy.

Sure, I have already watched people reading my books, friends and strangers and I would be willing to bet I've seen every possible kind of reactions (especially to chapter sixteen).

People cried, people threw the book at me, people pinched and smacked my skin (okay, this particular scenario involved Anya which makes it less surprising and bizarre), people shouted and whined.

Uhm. _Sorry not sorry?_

 

This girl, though. Her hands are quivering and an illegible smirk is painfully slowly appearing as tears are, weakly, restrained from flowing.

I am not abashed to say how my own gaze never faltered, never shifted from the woman who's now closing the book after folding the upper right corner of a new page and placing it on the small table dividing our seats.

“ _Perfect.”_ The hypnotizing voice sighs, probably just an escaped personal thought.

 

It's maybe a good time to stop fucking staring at this stranger, isn't it Lex?

It takes way more strength than I thought to force my eyes back on my laptop but when I finally manage I can sense my skin burning where bluest ones lay on from afar.

“I'm sorry.” I hear her murmuring, voice even raspier than the first time.

Raising my my head to aknowledge her words, the green of my own iris melts into her blue skies and I'd happily pay to see what shade would come alive then.

“Pardon?”

“I'm sorry if I acted weird.” The princess rewards my attention with a small smile and if I didn't die before I sure am going to now. “It's just..”

I slightly tilt my head sideways, encouraging her to elaborate.

“It's just this book.” The girls simply says, placing a hand on top of the hard cover.

“What about it?”

“Have you read it?”

“I did, yeah.”

“And what did you think? How the Mount Weather scene made you feel?”

“How that made _you_ feel?”

“Weirdly good. Yet completely broken.”

“How's so?”

“I admit I've read spoilers and reviews about it before even starting to read this one. I knew something big was coming up on chapter sixteen, something between Eliza and Alycia.”

“Okay. Then, what is the issue? I mean, you were expecting some shattering moment although you might were not exactly aware of _what_.” I shrugs, trying not to seem judgemental but, instead, to encourage her to go further on this discussion.

 

The stranger shuts up for a couple of minutes, collecting her thoughts. I don't push her words even though I am literally dying to hear her speaking again. My heart pounds hard and I expect it to collapse at any moment now.

I just hope my gorgeous princess won't notice it.

_My. LOL Lexa._

“I'd wish to be able to hate Alycia. I wish I could just resent and blame her.”

I'm not surprised at all, many of my readers still cannot forgive Alycia (and me) for her actions and decisions.

“Yes, I know this is a pretty common feeling among the fandom.” I assert, never moving my eyes from her way more intriguing ones.

“True.” She nods. “Although, I strongly cannot do that. _I made this decision with my head, not my heart.”_ The stranger quotes. _“This_ is just pure perfection. The way Lexa Heda portrayed this particular scene is probably one of the truest, most shattering, _perfect_ piece I'll ever bump into.”

And again, _of course_ the way she pronounce my name is the hottest. I get shivers at the base of my spine just at the mere tiny thought of this same word eagerly whispered against my bare skin.

“You did enjoy it, then.” It's more a statement than a question.

“Yes.” How cute can a rambling woman be? Apparently, very very much. “People might blame Alycia for kissing Eliza before stabbing her in the back and I get that. Yet, people also need to understand Alycia's position and duties as a leader. I am not sure Eliza would have acted differently if put in front of such a deal. _I do care, Eliza_. We must not forget this last line, above all. Alycia is just a young woman, probably in love, who has already lost so much but cannot let herself be weak or have feelings. Not openly. They are such complex characters!”

“I agree.” I reply, nodding once.

“Sorry, sorry. I have this tendency to annoyingly ramble when it comes to things I love.” The blushing woman says, giving me an apologizing look.

“Don't even mention it. You are completely fine.” I feel my lips curving upwards before my brain can even think about it. “Your analysis is great, you truly got the point. Plus, I love hearing people's opinion and thoughts on _my_ works. It gives me reasons to keep writing, to better myself.”

 _Fuck!_ Fuck fuck fuck! Great, Lex. You just fucking told a stranger that you are Lexa fucking Heda.

 

“Wait.” The princess' blue eyes open wider, if any possible, at the same time as her jaw drops and I am scolding myself so loud, internally.

 

Well, _fuck._

I did screwed up big time.

 

“Hello, I'm Clarke Griffin.” The princess breaks the tension a minute later, offering her hand and such a bright and full smile that I'm considering just standing up and running far far away because I'll never be able to survive her if this is only like three hours after first meeting her.

“Alexandria Heda. You can call me Lexa, though.” I murmurs, tightly holding her warm soft hand for a brief too long second.

“Lexa.” _Clarke_ repeats, testing those so familiar sounds on her tongue as it was the first time. “Well, Lexa, I'm glad we have something in common, then, as I've been trying to work up the courage to talk to you since you stole a first glance at me, hours ago.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whosophia.tumblr.com


	3. Will i see you again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys certainly know how to inspire an author.  
> Hence, here's the actual third chapter for you all.
> 
> I'm so in love with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've read and took in consideration every and each one of your comments on the Author's note I've posted..was it yesterday? Anyway, just a few things before the interesting part of this.  
> Above all, I'm sorry I haven't replied to those comments but I physically hadn't had the time in between work and writing this down. I appreciated and took inspiration from your words and suggestions, tho. Thank you all, honestly.(Also, I'm very sorry I lost them in deleting the note :( )  
> Second, I decided not to dive into Clarke's pov as there was a real chance of it ending up too redundant, as some of you pointed out. I also think we can pretty much all imagine what's going on in Clarke's own mind, anyway.  
> Third and last, this story is still going not to be a long one, be aware of it. 
> 
> At the end is mostly dialogue. I hope it'll do. I liked it very much, tbh.

I'm melting. I'm totally melt. I'm a goddamn blushing puddle. _Cleaning needed in the cereals aisle, please._

My cheeks burn, I can literally sense the red climbing up my neck and the shivers running along my spine.

Her eyes, though.

Why the hell did I even look at her eyes, again?! Now that they are focused on me they look even bluer. The _bluest blue_. They are deep and attentive, sparkled with grey and how I'd wish to not be the shitty artist I honestly am so that I could be able to try and try and try again till I succeed in reproducing _this_ shade of blue _._

Apparently, I've a new favourite colour.

What kills me, though, is her mouth. And her lips. And her freckles. And, _oh_ , that cute mole adorning her smile.

I have to physically shake my head to drive forbidden thoughts away.

Hi, I'm Lexa Heda and my gay is showing as fuck.

 

Clarke is still looking at me and even if I wanted to I couldn't move my gaze from hers. Not that i'm even remotely considering the option.

 

“So.” Clarke tries and her voice sounds like the warmth of a bed at the crack of dawn when you haven't slept because too busy discovering each other again and again for hours. “Where are you going?”

Absent-mindedly I raise my hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and I would be lying if i'd say that the way her dark pupils follow this small gesture as some sort of incredible magic doesn't take my breath away.

“Well.. Aren't we all going to the same place? I mean, this train goes straight to Toronto, doesn't it?”

Great, Lexa. Can you not be your dumb self for like a minute?

“Right.” She chuckles and my heart swells. “Why are you going to Toronto, then?”

“Uhm.” I chew on my lower lip and, once again, her so damn hypnotising pools unashamedly take in every detail. Not that I mind, that is; I am not doing any better as for now. “I have a couple of work related meetings to attend, then I'll probably take a day or two to visit my grand-parents.”

Once these words are out of my mouth, lingering there in between our seats, I brace myself because I am well aware this could be the end of it.

_It._

Contain yourself, woman!

 

I know Clarke _knows_ but is that this weird for me to want her to be interested in _just Lexa_? Not Lexa Heda, the worldwide famous writer. Just dorky, shy Lexa.

 

“Cool.” Clarke replies, nodding in approval. “Do they live in the city?”

“Not quite. They used to when I was younger although they moved closer to the woods once retirement came. They are a wild pair, you know.”

“Is that so?” The beauty chuckles again and _god please save me._ “They sound truly great.”

“Trust me, they are. I might be biased but wait till I'll tell you about that time pops literally broke his arm falling from the big oak in the backyard while trying to secure a swing he wanted to surprise me with.” I recollect the memory and my heart fills with the warmth sensation the thought of my beloved grandpa always brings along. “Nana had to feed him for weeks because he is a lefty and could barely hold a spoon with his right hand.”

Clarke laughs, then. A hearty, loud, crystal laughter which probably makes me fall in love with her, straight here and now, if I haven't already.

Quickly the girl shuts herself because the carriage is crowded and people are now staring. She blushes, a hand covering her mouth, although her eyes are so expressive that I can't contain the grin blooming on my own lips.

I'd more than willingly listen to Clarke laughing forever.

“Okay, I confirm. Your grand-parents _are_ awesome. You're lucky, Lexa.”

Why knowing that she approves of them makes my heart flutter this much?

“I am. Thank you. What about you, then? Why Toronto?”

When I smile at her and her cheeks redden the urge to caress the, apparently warm and silky, skin right there gets so strong that I have to tightly hold the armrests to stop the impetus.

 

I'm aware I miserably fail in sounding casual but I can't bring myself to care anymore. I have not enough time and too much attraction (physical and not) towards this woman.

 

Just as she is about to speak her phone rings and I mouth a silent _please, go on_ before grabbing my own phone and opening twitter up.

Apparently my little update earlier fed the fandom's hunger for _more._

 

**@marie86: @hedaleksa please please please we need to see your face  
** **@bob_mob: @marie86 @hedaleksa just ONE selfie. please!  
** **@moonshine.monty: does @hedaleksa wear glasses?  
** **@jjordan: @moonshine.monty I bet she does. a nerd of that level NEEDS glasses**

I'm about to tweet back to a couple of followers when suddenly my attention gets caught by Clarke's voice.

I know I shouldn't eavesdrop.

I totally do, though.

 

“Yeah. Fine.” The girls replies to whoever on the other side, rolling her eyes. “I'll be there around twenty past two.” A long pause later she speaks again. “Alright, I'll see you soon! Oh, okay then. Put him on the phone.” 

There's a _him_ , then.

Clearly. How could I even hope for such perfection to still be single. Damn great. 

“Hey, baby.” Clarke chuckles and my heart is pounding as never before. Thank god she is too busy chatting for paying attention to me. “I'll be there soon, I promise.”

Then. “Okay, _I love you too._ ”

 

I'm fucking Lexa Heda.

I weekly receive more marriage proposals than bills. I have no personal home address, everything goes straight to Indra's place and I always book whatever I have too under a pseudonym because of some problems with stalker fans in the past. 

Not to be too self-centred but thousands (if not millions) of people admire and adore me. Yet, here I am. Drooling over a girl I've met like less than four hours ago.

An unfairly gorgeous and witty and smart and did I mention beautiful girl, yeah. Still.

 

Clarke ends the call and scrolls past something on her screen before glancing back at me.

 _This_ is why here I am, drooling over her. Because she I looking at me as someone who has seen the world in only shades of grey till this very unique moment, all wide eyes and gaping mouth.

“Sorry about that.” Clarke offers, smiling a little.

“That's completely fine, Clarke.”

“You'd think once the chicks move out mamas hens will loosen their grips. Well, that's bullshit.” She scoffs and I find myself grinning along her heavenly laughter. “Anyway. What was I saying?”

How I don't scare her off will ever be a mystery because I am so damn creeping on her. I mean, it's partially her fault. Her and her pinching the bridge of her nose with those long, elegant fingers I can't force my eyes off.

“Oh, yes.” I chuckle. _Chuckle!_ Lexa Heda doesn't do chuckles. “We were talking about why exactly Toronto.” I suggest.

“Right!” Clarke unlocks her phone and gently places it on the table for me to have a look.

I allow myself to get lost in her icy yet warm as a summer day at the beach iris before glancing down to the screen.

 

A kid.

A grinning, tawny-haired boy brandishing a wooden sword fills the whole screen. This wild little human is definitely going to turn into a pretty handsome man one day and despite the silence surrounding us I can sense his childish merry tone chatting about his last incredible adventures.

 

“Lexa, meet Aden.” Clarke brings me back to reality with her hoarse voice. “ _He_ 's the reason I'm going back home for the week end.”

Clarke smiles and the whole world freezes for a second, for how cliché this sounds. She smiles pride, joy, unconditional affection.

“What a warrior!”

“I know, right? I brought him that sword last time I visited. There's probably no need to tell you how much he enjoyed the gift.”

“I guess not. Look at him!”

 

Wait. Clarke is supposedly in her mid twenties. This child is around..seven? Is he..

“Is he-?” My goddamn mouth lets out too quick for my brain to stop the words.

Blue bright eyes impossibly widen and I can't tell if Clarke is about to slap me in the face or laugh her ass out.

“Mine?” She asks, mouth fairly gaping.

I nods while red creeps up my neck.

“No, Lexa. He's my brother. Step-brother, precisely, although I can't really get myself to like the word. He's just my little Aden.”

 

The most genuine smile is about to blooms on my lips and I am not planning on even trying to restrain it.

 

“His birthday is coming up in two days and he had been begging me go back home for his party for weeks, I swear. I mean, as if I could ever miss his eighth birthday.”

“Eighth birthday parties are quite a big deal, Clarke.”

“Apparently, they are.”

“He'll be very happy to have you there.”

“I hope so. Okay, no. I know he'll be hyped as fuck.”

 

We exchange one last smile before being interrupted, once again, by a beeping phone. Mine, this time. It's work stuffs therefore I shot Clarke an apologetic look before accepting the call.

Indra explains me the details about this afternoon's meet and greet as if i'd never hosted one before. I mean, I am not Oprah but I've gone through my fairly amount of interviews and readings during the past few years. Always closed and with small crowds events with strict no pictures policy because of the anonymity thing. Still.

I mean, _Hodnes laik Kwelnes_ is yet to be deposed from his top position on worldwide charts, which would probably happen once _Jus drein Jus daun_ will be finally released in Japan and Europe as well.

Anyway, Indra talks and talks for what feels like an eternity (thirteen minutes, so far, my phone informs me. The asshole.) but I just half listen to her voice.

 

Because, god, the art piece in front of me is absent-mindedly chewing on a red apple while focused on her own tiny screen.

Is she even real?

 

“ _Lexa, I know you've been listening to barely a quarter of everything I've said. Haven't you?”_

“I'm sorry, Indra. Is not the best moment.”

“ _You're such a kid, Lex.”_ My manager sighs but I can sense that playful tone she reserves to me and myself only.

“I admit so. Still, you like me.”

“ _I don't have much choice.”_

“That was unnecessarily mean.”

“ _You know I love you, little Heda. Alright, I'll see you tomorrow then. Be good.”_

“I swear, Indra, you're worse than Luna sometimes.”

“ _You need someone to keep an eye on you while your grandma is not around. Anyway, have a good rest of the trip and have fun. Bye, Lexa.”_

“Bye.”

 

 

“I apologise, this time, Clarke.”

“That's okay. Work?”

I nod and sigh and I might be about to finally bring the elephant in the room out.

 _Oh, look at how interesting my nails are right now_. I look everywhere but at her.

“Yes. I have a meet and greet in the afternoon and my manager is yet to realise I'm not that shy, insecure kid anymore.” I explain, shrugging.

 

“You are Lexa Heda. _The_ Lexa Heda.” Clarke murmurs.

My head pounds, my heart is about to collapse. What the fuck this all means?

Have I lost her already?

“I am.”

“No. I mean _you_ are Lexa Heda.”

“Flesh and bones.”

“I love your works.”

“I kinda got that already.”

“You are so smart. And talented.”

“Thank you, Clarke.”

“You are beautiful.”

_Oh._

“Honestly, so are you.”

“You're her.”

“We pretty much have covered this topic fairly enough, already.”

“I know. I'm sorry.”

“Don't be.”

“I-”

“You're beautiful.”

“Thank you..”

“What do you do for a living, Clarke?”

“Trying to divert me?”

“Absolutely. But mainly just wanna get to know you better.”

“I am an artist. Okay, no. I am a wannabe-artist. I mean, I'm about to graduate from Art School but I've been painting since I was seven which I guess makes me an artist, already, on some levels.”

“I bet you're great at it. Will you let me see some of your works?”

“Only if you reveal to me if Elycia is endgame.”

 

Her mouth then curves into her best cocky smile and she is so heavenly, incredibly, utterly gorgeous.

I'm a goner already and I am willing to proudly yell it to the whole world.

 

“This is totally unfair. I'm sorry, Clarke, but I must make this choice with my head and not my heart. I cannot spoiler anything.”

Clarke scoffs and pouts.

I wanna kiss her. Discover every inch of pale skin, experience how smooth and silky it would feel against my own lips.

 

“You're her.”

“Wanna see the ID?”

“I'm sorry. I just can't believe it. I've been idealising you for such a long time that now this all feels..weird.”

_Oh._

“I'm sorry I disappointed you.”

“I haven't said that.”

“Am I not up to your expectations?”

“Way above them.”

“You're beautiful. Will you let me have a look at your works?”

“Will you give me your number?”

“Can I trust you with that?”

 

I am not playing anymore, now. Yes, I am dorky blushing Lexa but I am Lexa Heda too. I cannot just throw my personal phone number at every pretty girl flirting with me.

Clarke is not just a pretty flirty girl, though, and I am so aware of it.

What can I say, I'm a goner for blond-haired artist.

 

“Do you really think I would admit it even if I actually had evil plans?”

“Worth give it a try. But I trust you.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah.” I reply as I grab her device to type my details down. “Will you show me your works, now?”

“Only if you'll go out on a date. With me, I mean.”

“Well, I do hope so. I don't really think Aden would be that interested in me.”

“You're beautiful.”

“And you are resplendent.”

“Already trying to _woo_ me with your big words?”

“Is it working?”

“Apparently so.”

“Good.”

 

“I've been crushing on you for ages.”

“Look who's trying to _woo_ someone now.”

“I'm serious. Your words and the small parts of yourself you allowed the world to see, everything fits so perfectly together now. It's making it hard not to crush harder.”

“I'm glad I got to meet you.”

“We actually already have, once.”

“What do you mean?”

“I tagged you on a twitter post a while ago. It was a sketch I made of Elycia. We commented back and forth for a couple of minutes.”

“Oh.”

“Well, that hadn't exactly been my reaction. I was fangirling so damn hard that afternoon.”

“You are beautiful. On every level.”

“Thank you.”

 

“I gave you my number for nothing, then!”

“Geez, thanks. Way to make a girl feel good.”

 

“Will you see me again?”

“Only if I get to kiss you goodnight after our first date.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whosophia.tumblr.com
> 
> Elycia is totally endgame in this little fictional world of mine, just so you know lol


	4. With my eyes full of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [If you are still trying to get over 3.07 please, remember this is a fluffy Clexa endgame story. No one gets hurt (physically nor emotionally). Although, don't push yourself to read it if you think you're not in the right place yet. Maybe come back over once you feel better.]
> 
> At first I had planned on writing this as a simple one shot which turned in a two shot then a three. And now, four it is. I'll thank you forever for pushing me to keep writing, it's been a pleasure. On a side note, I am thinking about one more chapter but I'd probably seriously take in consideration to make this work a little longer if you guys would want me to. I mean it.  
> We need Clexa more than ever now. I won't stop writing ff till there will be readers enjoying my words.
> 
> I am personally still recovering from last Thursday, as many of you are. This, for how hard it was, helped me cope a little and hopefully reading will do it for you.  
> What happened has hurt us all deeply as people and as a fandom. We'll make it through, tho. We, each one of us will.  
> Please, come talk to me on tumblr about anything running through your mind, I'm always up for a chat or just, idk, whatever.  
> Ste yuj.  
> whosophia.tumblr.com

How am I supposed to survive one more hour on this train?

Just, please, somebody explains me how can I deal with Clarke's hypnotising hands this girl seems, apparently, unable to keep still while she talks or what about her blue iris, bluer than anything I've ever seen before; will they ever stop making my head goes blank and my poor exploding heart collapse as soon as locked on mine? 

Whatever, though. Not that I honestly would want to.

She is so unbelievably beautiful. I mean, I am totally and utterly screwed already.

 

It's only when she stands up from her seat to go on a _finding the restroom mission_ that I realise how not ready to jump off this carriage and part with her I am.

How is that even possible? Clarke has kicked her way into my life no longer than something around six hours ago and why on earth my hands are shaking and shivers run down my spine?

 

For god's sake! I am Lexa Heda and I never _ever_ let things or people affect me this way.

It's not like I know her that much so far, anyway. Sure as hell Clarke is pretty (erase that, Clarke is delightfully enchanting) but I might not even like her outside this confined space, out in the real world. (I know i fucking would. Like her, I mean).

Wait. What if she wouldn't?

 _Great, Lexa_. Way to drown back into your teen age years' insecurities.

 

Shaking my head I try to focus on something else, anything else because Clarke is probably about to come back and I need to put my shit together.

As usual checking my socials is what I end up doing, this time though, my fingers swiftly open twitter up and start scrolling down the pictures I've been tagged in by their own choice.

I scroll and scroll and scroll and-

 _OH_.

**@griffoftheskaikru: @hedaleksa check this out**

I remember this particular sketch quite well because it did truly amaze me. The soft dark lines, the shades, the spark in Alycia's eyes which is so damn perfect and expressive.

Canon portrayals of my characters have been running around the net since the beginning, born by the minds of incredibly creative fanfictions authors and artists.

I've never praised or officialised any of those representations, under Indra's suggestion, nonetheless I'd be a liar if I'd say I've never mentally complimented some of them because fitting with my personal ideas just wonderfully right.

Like, I tried to describe all and each one of the characters' appearance and personality as best, in my books, but I honestly wanted for the readers to create their own personal world around those words.

And, god, they so damn well do.

 

Clarke's drawing, though, is something more. Something marvellous.

Alycia's dark locks braided into intricate yet incredibly detailed tresses; her jawline sharp as the majestic cheekbones adorning the Commander's deep, haunted, _soft_ gaze. Everything about this Alycia screams grace and elegance and the regalty the young girl could never estrange herself from.

Eliza's body, on the other hand, has rounder lines and curls; her lips plump, definitely kissable. Hardness and pain had left visible marks on the blonde's not so innocent anymore features.

Her eyes, though. Her eyes are sparkling with so many emotions all at once, hungrily taking in every detail of the strong Commander. _Her Alycia._

My heart shatters because everything is so.. _just right._ I can see everything I've tried to express through words in Eliza's desperate looks, in the firm grasp of Alycia's hand on the other woman's hips and I can imagine that darker bruises will paint the skin there, later on.

Hurt and harshness had shaped them both into two resolute and strategic leaders but in this very unique still moment, in the quiet of their silent confessions those young girls can be anything but _them._ For a brief moment.

Too young to carry the fate of the world, too pure for such a burden.

For this endless instant they can allow themselves to be nothing more than Eliza and Alycia. Maybe someday they will owe nothing more to their people.

 

I smile. Oh boy, do I smile.

I can feel my lips curving upright while, under instinct, I tap and save the picture on my camera roll.

 

“What's up with that grin?”

“Clarke.” I acknowledge the beauty's return with such a joy and _something_ I can't dare to recognise with a swelling heart and shining eyes. “Your art is- Dear lord, I can't even find words.”

“Is that even possible? For a writer, I mean.”

“Trust me, it is.” I snort. “Ever heard of writer's block?”

Clarke hums in agreement before speaking again, dark pupils shifting from my mouth to my eyes, back and forth. “Ever experienced it?”

“Luckily, not really so far.” Exception made for the constant lack of words I've been going through since I hopped on this damn train. “You make me fairly speechless, though.”

“Too bad, then.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, Alexandria.” Clarke pronounces my full name and _for god's sake._ “You are a writer. You are made of words. I can't take that away from you.”

_Please, do._

“What about that thing people say regarding special persons inspiring the best works?”

“Special?”

“You know what I mean.”

“You're pretty when you're all sheepish and flushed.”

“You're pretty always.”

“How charming.”

“I know my way with words.”

“You sure do.” Her eyes are so honest, so full of adoration and awe. I am falling. Deep. “Is that difficult?”

“What? Wooing beautiful girls?”

“Jerk.” Clarke rolls her eyes and, how is this even possible, she manages to be even more intriguing. “I clearly meant being a writer. A quite good one, I should add.”

“Uhm. Thank you. And, it is, yeah. Sometimes it's hard not to fall into procrastination and handling the writing professionally yet always as what it truly is: passion.”

“You sure as hell know your way with words.”

“I hope so.”

“God. I still can't wrap my head around all of this.”

“Uhm.”

“No. Not like _that_ , Lexa.” Clarke hurriedly exclaims, extending her left arm, palm turned upward.

It's an invitation?

When I don't make a move the gorgeous woman huffs and pulls her hand forward to grab mine. “Are you always this difficult?”

“I'm sorry but it's not as I meet cute girls who totally drives me crazy every day.”

“Aca-what?!” Clarke chuckles but she seems honestly surprised.

“Yeah.”

“But you are Lexa Heda. You are, well, _you._ ”

“Are you aware that most people don't actually know what I look like, aren't you?”

“Which is quite a shame, in my opinion. Although, despite you being a worldwide famous writer, you are a gorgeous, witty, charming girl. You are a damn whole lot of cinnamon, spices and everything nice. Not to mention hot.”

“Clarke.” I mutter, glaring at my companion's full smirk. “I sure am not a powerpuff girl of any sort.”

“Aren't you?”

“So not.”

“We'll see about that.”

“Will we?”

“Definitely.”

“Okay.”

 

“We'll arrive in Toronto, soon.”

“I know.”

“Can I text you?”

“I gave you my number, haven't I?”

“You did. Yet, maybe you just did because you are polite. And because we are on this train. It's like a bubble of stillness in here.”

Clarke's eyes are now anywhere but on mine, she's stubbornly avoiding to meet my gaze therefore I tug at the warm, soft hand still clung onto mine.

“Please, do text me. Please.” I give the blonde a shy smile and she rewards me with what i would probably describe as a mesmerising or exquisite or dazzling grin. “I just hope you'll like nerdy, clumsy, bashful Lexa as much as you appreciate Lexa Heda.”

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey.” Clarke's grasp tighten. “Have I told you how much you got into my head way before knowing who you are, haven't I?”

“Yeah.”

“Lexa. God, Lex.” _Lex._ “You are beautiful. So so beautiful. I am praying for this train to stop right here and now because I can't even think about you and I going on separate ways. I fucking know how crazy this sounds and it might be this weird _bubble_ but I am sure, _so sure_ , that I like you. The real you.”

“Do you?”

“The famous author Lexa Heda is such a huge part of yourself and when I look at you I can see everything falling into place. How _that_ Lexa fits into _this_ Lexa. And it's just- god. _You_ are just so beautiful. Every part of you.”

 

“Fucking way to charm a girl.” I reply after a few long silent, breathless, endless seconds filled with desperate hand holding and heart-eyes.

“I guess it's time to one-up my game if I wanna compete with a certain someone.” Clarke chuckles, tucking a golden strand behind her ear. I still cannot keep my eyes away from every minimal gesture her body makes.

“Planning on making a habit out of it?”

“Most definitely am. Any complaint?”

“Well..”

I am clearly joking yet Clarke faking offense pulls her hand away, pouting.

I am left there, gaping. The absence of said warmth has shocked me way more than I could have ever imagined.

Because, goddammit, I am Lexa Heda. People, _girls,_ they don't affect me. Ever.

I have felt this way once in my life. Once. And I am not so sure if the butterflies I felt wandering through my stomach with Costia by my side could even be compared to what these past few hours have done to me.

 

I extend my hand, now, hoping the beautiful woman in front of me will accept it.

She does.

“Clarke.” Shivers run down my spine when her sky blue iris dart to meet mine. “I can't explain how getting the chance- no, the _luck_ to encounter you turned my day. You, Clarke, are such a remarkable human being. Smart, talented, adorable and did I said gorgeous, already?”

“Woha.” She barely manages to lets out before-

 

Before fucking standing up from her seat to walk around the table separating us and-

And, my heart is about to explode, freaking placing her soft, silky, warm,  _soft_ lips on my, already flushing, cheek.

It's just a second. A mere instant and she's back on her own spot, eyes glittering with delight. A cute shade of red is quickly reaching up her neck, cheeks, the tip of her ears as I pleasantly notice.

I am smitten.

 

 

Toronto appears in the distance too soon for my liking. My heart aches.

Clarke tugs at my hand, still firmly hold in place in between hers, and my body instantly relaxes. Thoughts, fears, insecurities. Nothing matters anymore but her cute freckles, that tiny mole I just want to kiss for endless nights and her golden locks I desire more than anything to lose myself into, lovingly breathing out her name.

 

“We're here.” She says when the train enters the station.

“Yes, we are. Can I text you, then?”

“I'd be extremely offended if you don't.”

“Okay. Good.” I say, more as if I want to convince myself that this is actually happening.

“I'll be busy for the next few days with Aden and the party but I'm going back on Tuesday.”

“Alright. I've today and tomorrow filled with meetings and readings as well and on Sunday I was thinking about driving to nana and pops'. We'll might meet then.”

“Sounds quite a plan.” Clarke smiles. Her curved lips melts my poor heart and I feel alive.

“I'll text you. I promise.”

“I know you will. I trust you. Also, that'd be your loss otherwise.”

“Oh, really?”

“Totally. I mean, someone said I am a remarkable human being, once.”

“What a wise person, in my opinion.”

“I don't know about that. She was damn gorgeous, though.”

“Always trying to woo me?”

“Maybe. Is that working?”

“Apparently so.”

I grab my bag, shove my phone in the pocket of the jeans and stands up from my seat. She does too.

 

“It was a, sure unexpected, though more than welcome, precious morning, Clarke.” I whispers in her ear just before slowly walking towards the carriage's doors.

Clarke's voice comes behind my back along with soft fingers sneaking through mine, once again. “Yes. It has been a true pleasure meeting you, Lexa.”

 

We both jump off the train, sad looks and open, hopeful pounding hearts.

“I'll text you.” She promise.

“You better.” I reply.

 

She brushes her lips against mine. Once. Briefly.

Softly.

My head goes numb and my body shakes. I clench my hands around her waist and pull her in, even closer. I wanna melt myself in Clarke.

Clarke who's now cupping my cheeks, velvety (even softer than I could have ever dreamed) lips exploring mine, eagerly asking for a permission she doesn't really need but in a way that definitely turns me on.

It's merely a two minutes kiss before we both pull away, struggling to separate.

“I'll text you.” We promise, once again, in unison.

  

I haven't even reached my hotel yet before my phone buzzes.

I am Lexa Heda. Worldwide acclaimed author, international prizes winner, smitten as fuck heart-eyes owner.

Not that I mind, that is. Because, _what a girl she is._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whosophia.tumblr.com


	5. Her eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of texting, lots of flirting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anybody still remember this story?! lol  
> I am incredibly sorry for the endless wait but, you know, life. 
> 
> Hey, if you are reading this, thanks for sticking around! I hope this is gonna bright your day, some way.

**unknown number: hi, it's me**

**unknown number: me as in clarke**

**unknown number: well that sounds even dumber now that I read it again**

**unknown number: just ignore everything I've said so far.**

**unknown number: hello lexa, this is clarke.**

**it's been a true pleasure sharing such a tremendously long train ride with you. i hope you’ll have a great rest of the day :)**

**text me, okay?  
**   


**lexa: well, someone's eager around here?**

**lexa: hi, clarke :)**

**clarke: from the prompt reply it's more than clear who the eager one is, darling.**

**lexa: you wish.**

**clarke: no shame, i do.**

**lexa: charming.**

**clarke: I've got my ways ;)**

**clarke: made it to the hotel yet?**

**lexa: checked-in a minute ago. i need a shower so so bad.**

**are you home already?**

**clarke: yeah, you sure do.**

**clarke: I**

**lexa: WAIT A MINUTE**

**lexa: i sure do?! excuse you!**

**clarke: seven hours on a train.**

**nobody smells like roses after seven hours on a goddamn train**

**lexa: nope.**

**lexa: bigger nope.**

**lexa: NOPE.**

**clarke: hahaha ;)**

**lexa: you're lucky you are pretty**

**clarke: pretty? where's the charme, woman?!**

**lexa: astonishingly divine**

**lexa: marvellous**

**lexa: enchanting**

**lexa: delightfully lovely**

**clarke: alright**

**lexa: superb**

**clarke: okay, lexa**

**lexa: gorgeous**

**clarke: LEXA! i take that back!**

**lexa: beautiful**

**clarke: oh boy**

**lexa: resplendent  
**   


**clarke: are you done?**

**lexa: not at all.**

**lexa: remember: i feed myself black coffee and words**

**lexa: although, i need to save some of my charme otherwise how will i talk you into dinner? with me.**

**clarke: yeah, i am sure your whole being wouldn’t be a good enough reason to accept.**

**lexa: you never know.**

**lexa: are you home, now?**

**clarke: just a few blocks away**

**lexa: okay**

**lexa: I'll leave you to your family, then**

**apparently i urgently need to shower *insert pout here***

**lexa: i bet aden will claim your full attention**

**clarke: that's very likely**

**lexa: I've got a meeting in the afternoon and will have drinks with old friends later but your annoying virtual company wouldn't be too bad**

**clarke: MEAN.**

**clarke: bye, lexa.  
**   


**lexa: clarke!**

**lexa: please, come back! i was joking!**

**lexa: CLARKE!  
**   


**clarke:** _**attached file** _  


Dear lord please help me.  
Clarke's grin is full, so natural and wide, bright and entrancing. I _can't_ glance away from my phone's screen.

This princess and her rascal of a brother couldn't be more one the opposite of the other, taking in Clarke's golden wavy hair and Aden's clay messy ones. Yet, despite physical differences, no siblings probably ever seemed closer.  
I am already badly in love with this picture.

Nope, I am not unashamedly gaping for the longest three minutes as I keep randomly tapping on the screen to prevent the device from auto-locking. But Clarke's eyes are piercing and so blue, long eyelashes and all. Her head slightly tilted to allow better access to her cheek which an equally grinning Aden is cheekily pecking, arms clutched around his beloved sister's neck.  
Oh boy.  
  


**lexa: well, at least one in the family has some charme**

**clarke: rude.**

**clarke: i'm gonna play with someone mature now**

**bye lexa**

**lexa: claaaaaarke**

**clarke: whining won't help your cause**

**lexa: what about a cup of whatever fancy coffee you artsy folk enjoy?**

**clarke: i'll let you know about that**

**lexa: rude.**

**lexa: you're breaking my heart, clarke.**

**lexa:** _**attached file**  
_  

I can't do anything but hope the warm crimson shade I can feel colouring my own skin won't be that evident in the selfie I just sent to the most beautiful woman.  
I'm pretty sure I've failed.  
  


**clarke: you're lucky you're cute.**

**lexa: I have my ways.**

**lexa: come on, go have fun with your brother**

**clarke: yeah. have a great afternoon, lex. good luck with the meeting**

**clarke: x**

**lexa: cheers :)**

**xx  
**   
  


It's only when I finally drop my bags on the room's floor before taking the jacket off and hanging it on the back of a chair that everything that has happened since I hopped on the train hits me. Hard.  
My whole poor body is exhausted and so is my mind.

A shower, that's what I need.

With slow movements I reach for my duffel bag and pick clean underwear out, a clearly non matching set because I am way over the lazy phase to do so.  
I have no words to explain how gross I feel after such a long travel and it's with the purest delight that I peel my clothes off while opening the tap. I wait for the bathroom to be almost suffocatingly steamy before jumping under the hot flow.  
This feels too good. I am officially giving up my career to move into this shower stall.  


Unexpectedly (who am I kidding?) I end up thinking about a certain blonde. _No!_ Not _that_ way! Okay, maybe a little that way. Just for a second.  
Probably a too long one.

I force my hand away from where it's rather quickly heading, from my bare stomach down in between my thighs.  
My teeth are already biting into the lower lip allowing husky moans to unashamedly escape. Pounding heart, shaking legs and all. The ache in my center is only growing stronger and, fuck.

I do try not to cede, I swear I try.  
I don't succeed. Not even in the slightest.  


Well, I, at least, manage to remember how hair is supposed to be washed, after all, and that thirty-eight minutes showers are not acceptable (thirty-five minutes of- Ahem. Three minutes of shampoo and body-wash).  
Sleepy as I am, I simply put fresh underwear on and yes, pretty poorly, blow-dry my hair before finally _finally_ crawling under white, soft sheets.  
This bed is too comfortable to be true! Naturally, warmth and some sort of rose scent sooth my senses, lulling me to sleep.

  
About an hour later a super annoying beeping coming from the phone lost somewhere among the snow-white fluffy cloud brings me back to real life. Easily, I spot it and stretch to reach for the device with the less effort because, _damn_ , I'm never leaving this cocoon of mine, ever.  
Quickly scrolling past new notifications I acknowledge Indra's mails and texts including details about the meeting later today, Anya's menacing selfies along with Lincoln's _I'm sorry, I tried_ and

And Clarke.  


Clarke's bright smile and even brighter eyes.  
Clarke and Aden.  
Two people I can't recognise but I guess probably their parents.  
Clarke, Aden and a tiny ball of fur ( **clarke: aden demands that I inform you that this little tiny thing here is Roan, his second bff in the world** ).

My heart swells as my head goes numb. Everything about Clarke Griffin is too overwhelming.  


**lexa: who's bff #1 then?**

**clarke: hi! you're back!**

**lexa: yeah**

**washed, rinsed and all flowery smelling. you should be proud lol**

**lexa: tell me about #1!**

**clarke: I am indeed. well done for a 20sth yo currently worldwide #1 author!**

**lexa: ha. you're funny. goodbye.**

**clarke: NO! come back!**

**clarke: i'll tell you about #1!**

**lexa: talk.**

**clarke: _attached file  
_**   


I could pretend i'm not the biggest sucker for Clarke's plump lips and the little mole above her upper lips. Then again, who am I kidding?

Two stuck out tongues and silly faces have never made me grin wider.  
  


**clarke: silly.**

**I AM #1! OBVISLY**

**OBVIOUSLY***

**lexa: tell your brother he has good taste ;)**

**clarke: are you trying to sweet-talk me?**

**lexa: I thought I had done plenty of that already**

**clarke: oh, so you finally get the girl's number and just stop trying?**

**lexa: I kissed you, haven't I?**

**clarke: I recollect differently.**

**lexa: oh.**

**well, details.**

**clarke: you're not helping your cause, lex  
**

_Lex._

**lexa: well. let me try again then.**

**monday?**

**clarke: you're smooth, i'll give you that.**

**clarke: monday.**

**lexa: yay! thank you, clarke**

**clarke: thank you, gorgeous**

**lexa: #smooth**  
  
  
**lexa: alright, I gotta get ready for the meet n greet**

**clarke: fiiiiine. I have plenty of legos and puzzles to entertain myself with.**

**clarke: go be great, miss mysterious**

**lexa: have a good time with your family :)**

**i'll ttyl**

**clarke: you better**

**lexa: YOU better**

**bye :***

**clarke: ;***

   
I need about five whole minutes to recover from the exchange, my heart still pounding and the brightest smile still quite taking over my face.  
I've never been one to fall head over heels. I've never been a easy person.  
For gods sake, it took Costia seven dates to get a kiss and about a year and a half for a whispered _I love you_.

Here I am, now. Clarke Griffin is so going to be the death of me.

 

I am rushing across the room, switching from make up application to hair-braiding to clothes choosing, basically in nothing but my underwear and still messy, half braided hair when my phone rings and, I swear, I totally do not drop my mascara on the floor. Nope.  
  


“ _Where the fuck are you, Lexa?”_

“Anya?”

“ _No, it's the tooth fairy.”_

“Anya, what the hell?!”

“ _Where are you, Lexa?! Indra just texted me.”_

“Fuck.”

“ _Indeed. She's ready to drag your ass, little sister.”_

“Is that late already?”

“ _She said, and I quote, I do not freaking care if people kiss the ground where she walks, i'm gonna scold your sister as never before! Artigas has been waiting for fifteen minutes already.”_

“Fuck.”

“ _Move your ass! GO!”_

“Bye!”

“ _You'll be the death of us. Bye Lex.”_

“I can hear you rolling your eyes at me. Stop!”

I hung up, literally speed to the bathroom and in ten minutes am finally out of the room.

 

I have barely set foot on the sidewalk when my driver's kind eyes notice me, his face lighting up.

“Oh, here she is! What a vision!”

“Hi Art! I apologise for the wait.”

“No problem. Nothing new about that.” He jokes.

“Mean!” I reply, hitting him on the shoulder.

“Nice to see you again.” Artigas says, his strong arms surrounding my body.

“You too, kid.”

“Leeeexa, stop! I am like a year younger than you.”

“Details.”

“I'm not going to deal with this, again.”

“Smart boy.”

“Come on.” Art smiles, walking to the driver's side. “We have places to go.”

 

It takes about half an hour to arrive at the chosen venue, thanks to the lack of traffic and Artigas kind of reckless driving skills. I love this boy dearly but, man, he literally just got his first facial hair and I'd like for us both to still be around to celebrate his twenty-fifth birthday.

Not that I have much time to overthink this through because Indra grabs my wrist and start leading me towards the back entrance as soon as I step out of the car.

“Indra I-”

“Don't.” My manager replies, talkative as always.

“But-”

“Lexa, it's fine. The meeting is scheduled at six.”

“What?!”

“Lexa, kid. I've known you since forever, haven't I?” I nod, confusion taking over my face. “Don't you think, then, that I had found my ways around you, by now?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that the agenda I personally email you every week or morning is basically planned down one hour ahead than the actual time you have to be anywhere.”

“WHAT?!”

“Lexa, we all know how freaking late you tend to be, even when it comes to work stuff. Am I right, Art?” Indra shouts over my shoulder where, I suppose, Artigas is standing, heads lost in his phone.

“Oh god, yes.” The boy replies, matter of factly, not even looking up from the screen.

“Art! You're supposed to be my back up.”

“Lex, this is Indra we are talking about. The boss is always right.”

“Damn right, I am.” The dark-skinned woman states before lovingly patting my back. “Now, let's go.”  
  


The room where the meet and greet will take place is not too big, bright and cosy, just as I like it.  
Windows and doors are, as usual, obscured and the crew is scattered around the place, making sure to keep curious eyes far away.  
Barriers are being placed in front of the small table I will sit at which is, already, adorned with flowers and coconut water bottles.  
God bless Indra and her knowledge of the way having calla lilies around can soothe my anxiety (yes, I am Lexa Heda, worldwide famous writer yet still overwhelmed by my own success) and fresh fruity water helps keeping my head clear.

Speaking of Indra, I should probably pay some attention to her words, I guess. I swear, this woman is too good for me.

“So, today there will be around fifteen people, the winners of last month's tumblr contest. We messaged each one of them privately to inform about time and location, as usual.”

“Okay.”

“Same program as always: questions and signing session plus a couple of minutes, in private, each.”

“Indra.” I say, placing a hand on her gesturing one. “We've been doing this for a while now. I know.”

“This is what I do, kid. I keep you on track.”

“Yes you do.” I reply, smiling. “Thank you.”

“It's my own pleasure.” Indra says, the barely visible smile she always grants to me and myself only. Brief and probably unnoticeable to most but it's there and every time my heart melts. “Go get a coffee or something, Lex. We'll start shortly.”  


Exiting the building I pull my phone out of my jacket pocket and open twitter up.

 **@hedaleksa: toronto, r u ready? #hedakru #theyoungleader**  


**lexa: hi gorgeous**

**clarke: well, hello there**

**lexa: how's the kid doing?**

**oh, yes. i'm not talking about aden**

**clarke: ha. you're funny.**

**lexa: it's one of my talents.**

**lexa: many _talents_**

**clarke: LEXA. HEDA.**

**lexa: YOU DIRTY MIND!**

**fyi I can: juggle, build paper stars, fluently speak french and I also make a wicked lasagna**

**clarke: I am beyond....speachless**

**lexa: I do have other _talents_ too, tho**

**clarke: here we go with the humble discourse**

**lexa: excuse you**

**clarke: I will believe it only when i'll see you juggle oranges while quoting voltaire**

**lexa: be ready to be astonished, then**

**clarke: oh, I am very much astonished already**

**lexa: such a flirt**

**clarke: says you.  
**  

**clarke: so, how's the meeting going?**

**you quite freaked the whole town out lol**

**lexa: what do you mean**

**?**

**clarke: check you twitter, miss heda**

I do, then.  
I am used to this fandom, by now. I'm used to the crazy (and sometimes overstepping) admiration and love they all show me every single time which I am beyond grateful for.  
What I am not ready for, though, it's the flooding of reblogs and likes and mentions my last post has gotten in the past few minutes. 

**lexa: wow**

**clarke: indeed**

**lexa: well, why aren't you freaking out?**

**clarke: you should pay more attention ;)**  
  
Switching back to the tiny blue bird app I start scrolling past the tons of notifications.  
Oh. _Oh._  
  


**@griffoftheskaikru: had the best endless train ride thanks to the great @hedaleksa ;)  
**

**lexa: you're smooth, i'll give you that**

**clarke: and you're beautiful**

**lexa: here we go.**

**clarke: no, I mean it**

**clarke: you are. beautiful.**

**lexa: thank you, clarke**

**lexa: so are you. i'm still recovering from the morning.**

**clarke: good.**

**lexa: I have to go, now. can I call you later?**

**clarke: yes please.**

**clarke: try not to be too charming with your fans ;P**

**lexa: i'm charming only with my faves**

**lexa: bye clarke :***

**clarke: what faveS?!**

**clarke: LEXA!**

**clarke: *poutes***  
  
  
  


The afternoon flies by in the blink of an eye.

It's insane how my readers can make my heart swell, oozing pride and love and gratitude. The way their eyes lights up, gaping mouths and all. Their bright minds and sharp, honest words.  
This is all i've worked for. This is what push me to do better, for them.  


“Thank you all for coming here, today.” I say out loud, standing up from my chair to greet the small crowd. “It's been a real pleasure meeting each single one of you.” A short pause filled with cheering and I speak again. “I hope you had a good time as well, in my company.”  
Apparently yes, they did, if the burst of laughter and louder _yes!_ is anything to go by.  
“I hope I'll get the chance to meet you guys again, in the future. If this will happen, please, remember to call me Alexandria.” I stop for a second to analyse the nodding crowd. “Alright, thank you all again for being here and for being a part of this incredible kru!”  
  


**@elycia.shipper: @hedaleksa owns my heart**  
**@bethfromtheskai: @hedaleksa is the most precious human being ever!**  
**@elizat: @micha_long I AM DEAD! SHE'S HERE! @hedaleksa is in toronto!**  
**@micha_long: @elizat ikr?! i'm hyperventilating! #hedakru @hedaleksa**

 **@hedaleksa: a big shoutout to all the amazing people who attended the meet &greet! u all are beautiful and special x**  
  
**@alyciadc: @hedaleksa you are such a gift! thanks for being you!**  
@simon_lee: a bigger shoutout to you, @hedaleksa for inspiring this all. #hedakru

   
  
  
**lexa: are you busy now?**

**clarke: nah. the little rascal is watching finding nemo. I just finished showering.**

**clarke: how was your afternoon??**

**lexa: may I call you? i'd rather directly talk than text right now, my eyes are pretty tired  
**

**_incoming call CLARKE_ **

“Hello, beautiful!”

“ _Hi, i'm looking for a gorgeous writer with mesmerising eyes and the wittiest spirit.”_

“Charmer.”

“ _I try. Where are you? Back at the hotel?”_

“Yeah. I need a quick nap quite badly, right now, before heading out again later tonight.” I reply, falling back down on the comfiest mattress ever. “How was your afternoon?”

“ _Looooong.”_

“Too much playtime?”

“ _That's an understatement. I didn't remember Aden to be such a ball of energy.”_

“It sounds like you had a great time together, though. I'm glad to hear that.”

“ _We sure did! He showed me every single new toy and dvd.”_

“How fun!”

“ _Well, not so much when your brother owns about thirty-six pokemon miniatures.”_

Clarke chuckles, then, and my heart grows bigger. Happier.

This girl chuckles and I am a goner.

“Probably true.”

“ _Tell me about your day, Lex.”_

_Lex._

Goosebumps are apparently becoming a thing around here.  
Not complaining, though. Not even slightly.

I am somewhat glad, though, to be alone in the room, right now because the grin blooming on my lips would be more than enough for me to earn a lifelong teasing from literally anybody.  


“Well. It started with the greatest train ride, despite the annoying presence in the seat facing mine.”

“ _Oh yes, I know the feeling. So annoying.”_

“Then I had to sit in front of a crowd fully focused on me. Believe it or not, i'm still getting used to that side of the job.”

“ _Oh, it's not hard to believe so. I can barely imagine how that must feel. I bet you are great, though. “_

“Yeah?”

“ _Yeah. You are smart, witty and so so full of..... Something special.”_

“Is that a compliment?”

“A huge one. You are special, Lexa Heda.”

“Says you.”  


“ _Anything interesting going on during the meeting?”_

“Uh, nothing too crazy.” I reply, slowly rolling onto my left side, phone trapped between my ear and the pillow. “I've been very lucky and managed, somehow, to end up with the most respectful and kind fandom. They're not intrusive or exaggerated which is super cool, considering my privacy policy.”

“ _It does sound fantastic.”_

“It is! They all do respect the rules which I am very grateful for. There was this girl, about sixteen years old, incredibly cute and shy, at first.” I tell this (not really) stranger and I don't even know why I feel the urge to tell her everything and more. “She was there with her mom who literally had to drag the kid to the table.” I recollect, laughing softly.

“ _You are not as charming as you thought, are you?”_

“Hey!”

“ _Cute pout. Now, please, tell me more about the girl.”_

“Fiiiiiiine.” I whine, loving this banter more and more with every new second. “Once we got to the private chat part, which I always try to squeeze in with every attendant, she told me - I'll never forget this – about the hard time she has been through in accepting her sexuality. To her, having a bisexual role model as Eliza whose sexuality is never, not once, questioned. Her pure and strong bond with Alicya, a confirmed queer character... This all had, apparently, a huge impact in her life, in her personal growth. And I know this young woman is not a single case.”

“ _Lex, this is-”_

“I know, right? It makes everything worth it.”

“ _It does."_ She pauses. “ _You are one of a kind, Lexa Heda.”_

“And you are a magnificent, exquisite, faboulus delight, miss Griffin.”  


“ _So, no weird stalkers?”_

“No weird stalkers.”

“ _And here I've always thought of your life as some sort of_ let's hide from creepy fans and press _routine. Where is the fun, woman?”_ Clarke asks, laughing.

It's enchanting. Magical. Sublime.

“Hey! I am very much exciting, thank you.”

“ _You are. I agree.”_ Clarke pauses and I can picture her hand playing with a rebel lock so vividly that is almost scary. _“Stop pouting, now.”_ She chuckles, once more, and i'm scared she'd hear my pounding heart.

“I am not.”

I totally am.

“ _Yes, you are.”_

“Am not.”

“ _I know you are, Lexa.”_ She gently says. _“Now, please, stop and show me your beautiful smile.”_

How does she fucking do that?!

“ _Here it is! My favourite smile.”_

“How can you have a favourite, already?”  
_“I don't make the rules, miss. It just is.”_  


“You are beautiful.” I whisper into the pillow.

“ _Is this how you get girls?”_

“Is it working on you?”

“ _I don't know yet. Possibly.”_

“Then this is how I get _the_ girl.”

“ _You are quite confident, aren't you?”_

“I managed to kiss you, didn't I?”

“ _Will you use this argument forever?”_

“Yes.”

“ _So damn confident.”_

“I think I can allow myself to be, a little. When it comes to you.”

“ _Do you?”_

“Uh uh.” I reply, nodding to nobody. “I am pretty confident you do like me, Clarke.”

“ _And you are damn right too.”_

“Am I?”

“ _Yes. You're driving me crazy. In the best of ways.”_

“Good.”

I can't.

I.

Can't.  


This girl will ruin me, I already know so. In the best of ways.  
  


“Good.” I murmur into the microphone. “Becayse I am definitely crazy about you, Clarke Griffin.”  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whosophia.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> whosophia.tumblr.com
> 
>  
> 
> I've never written anything on a first person point of view but I hope you enjoyed the attempt.


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